Friday, May 8, 2009

Tax The Babies...

...That is the solution to our National financial crisis. Their are literally millions upon millions of whiny, lazy, ungrateful babies that span this great nation of ours and suck up billions of dollars, all in the name of "I'm a baby and I'm growing."I say enough! It is high time that they not only shut up and grow up, but they start paying their way. TAX THE BABIES. Does your loud plastic stroller roll over the taxpayer sidewalk? Help pay for it! Does your nasty baby poo clog up taxpayer dumpsters? Help pay for it! Oh, I'm sorry, are your lips directly responsible for sucking all the attractiveness out of swollen youthful breasts? STOP IT! Babies, your actions have flown under the radar for long enough, and it is high time that the government takes notice. Here is my plan:

Newborn---------------$1,000 "Welcome to the World" flat tax

Up to 12 months-------Ten times your body weight, monthly (Fat Baby Health Tax)

12 months-Two Years-----If still unemployed, continue previous tax

At Three Years---Mandatory employment or deportation to Peru ($10,000 Deportation Tax)

You see, it doesn't take a genius to see the potential immediate benefits to the USA. (Sorry Mexican Americans and Catholics, their will be no Tax breaks for your ever obvious and anti-American "Multiple Births." If your babies can not afford to come out of you, then they won't. PERIOD.) So, in closing, God Bless America and may history look back on this moment and proclaim, "That was the precise time that we became great again."

Those of you still in the womb, stand by; you are next.

(Please leave your name in the comment box to "sign" our petition and support your country, hippie.)
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Anonymous said...

Richard Quist, Kansas City