Thursday, April 30, 2009

Leprechaun In Alabama



Eyewitnesses....
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Hitler Action Figure


Now we know what the little German kids are playing with.
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Old Lady Punched In The Face



Wow.
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Hipster Bingo!


Print it out and Play at home. It is easy to get Bingo in Los Angeles.
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Shining



So, so, so much better.
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Full Circle


At the age of 4, success is... not peeing in your pants.
At the age of 12, success is... having friends.
At the age of 16, success is... having a driver's license.
At the age of 20, success is... having sex.
At the age of 35, success is... having money.
At the age of 50, success is... having money.
At the age of 60, success is... having sex.
At the age of 70, success is... having a driver's license.
At the age of 75, success is... having friends.
At the age of 90, success is... not peeing in your pants.
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Barney Versus Tupac



Barney Wins.
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All Your Base Are Belong To Us



Be... Ware....
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GI Joe: Pork Chop Sandwiches



"My God, did that smell good in there."
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Deaf News Reporter



Glenn Cooper is always on the scene first.
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Mana Mana!



We love The Muppets.
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Ventriloquists Are Deranged People



See, we told you so.
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Rodney Dangerfield Raps



Ohhhh... no, Rodney... No.
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Terry Bradshaw Is A Very Stupid Man



Forget waterboarding... just give 'em The Bradshaw.
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Ladies And Gentlemen… Bongos!



The Bongo is one of the most underrated musical instruments.
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Germans Are Bizarre



Germans should not be allowed to be around children.
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Should A Lady Spit Or Swallow?



The age old question of if a lady should spit or swallow has been debated through the ages. For instance, in 16th century Spain, it was considered treason if a lady spat, especially while in the private company of the King. Though if that same lady were with peasant men (commoners) spiting was not only allowed, it was encouraged as a clear non-verbal form of communicating displeasure and/or a safe means of preventing the spread of possible diseases. Today it is much up to the lady's discretion. If her evening with a gentleman has been pleasant, and she wishes to see that gentleman again, the polite and socially acceptable course of action would be to swallow. She should swallow as many times as necessary to please the gentleman or gentlemen she is in the company of. Should she choose to spit, which is her right to do so nowadays, one can all but guarantee that she will not be invited back into the company of said gentleman/gentlemen.

In conclusion, swallowing is the preferred means of social grace when out with a man, but should a lady spit, she should try to do it when he is not looking and be sure to clean up after herself with a napkin, or if one is not available, the underside of her blouse.

- New York Dining Etiquette Journal, Young Ladies Edition- 1918
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First Swine Flu PSA Ever



So dramatic...
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Muhammad Ali Fights Michael Jackson



...for a career.
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Clowns Suck


This is what a nightmare looks like for any 5 year old. Thanks, clowns!
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou



Jeff Goldblum, ladies and gentlemen.
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Dr. Strangelove



Peter Sellers is the man!
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Blazing Saddles



So offensive... and yet Mel Brooks does it better than anybody else.
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Caddyshack



Ahhh, comedies about golf will never get old.
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Pee-Wee's Big Adventure



Paul Reubens is still a god. This is one of the funniest and creative movies ever written.
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Anchorman



One of the funniest lines ever delivered by Steve Carell.
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Rushmore



Best revenge scene ever.
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Young Frankenstein



This is one of our all time favorite moments in comedic history.
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Happy Gilmore



Adam Sandler and Bob Barker in a showcase showdown!
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Funniest Moments In Comedy Movies Day


Today is the day to check out the funniest moments from cinema de comedia. Check back every hour for new videos of amazing comeic genius... at least in our opinion.
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Monday, April 27, 2009

We Love Jiminy Glick



Martin Short should really bring this one back. NOT in another movie, but he should have been the one to take Conan O'Brien’s spot.
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Hip-Hop Has Gone Too Far



No. No. No.
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Kid Versus Monsters



Kick it, kid.
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We Still Love Asians


The odd thing about this picture is that these two guys are dressed for a formal dinner in Tokyo.
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This Man Is A Professional Farter



This is why England is an island...
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I Am Sooo Sorry, Avian Flu.



Dear Avian Flu,

I can not even begin to comprehend what you must be going through this last week. YOU were the next Pandemic, You were the next big outbreak, YOU! You put in all the work, and you were so patient. The way you refused to transfer from person to person until just the right moment, opting instead to stay in birds, and chickens, and Asia. Yet, you gave us all just a taste of the hell you would eventually unleash...when you were ready. That is power. That is class. We noticed, and we feared you. That is...until some low rent, two bit, coward swine flu blindsided you in the middle of the night, unannounced, and completely stole your thunder. Swine flu, I hope you are reading this and realize what a dirty Mexican invader you are and how nobody gives two rats a$$es about you. Your weak, your ugly, and your poor. Mexico City? The Bronx? Missouri? Get a life swine flu, you don't even have all that terrible of symptoms. Well, except death, but people die everyday in way way more numbers just driving to work or eating dinner. You suck dude, and if you were any kind of Virus at all, you would apologize to your hosts and self destruct..but...take some of Texas with you. Never mind, you don't have the balls. Avian Flu would F*ck Texas up, but then again, you know that don't you Swine Flu, and it kills you inside.

Sincerely,

Ebola
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Urkel-O's


We cannot believe that these were real. Wow.
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The Real Susan Boyle



She is so talented.
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Poop: Everything & Anything You Need To Know


What is poop made of?

About 3/4 of your average turd is made of water. Of course, this value is highly variable - the water content of diarrhea is much higher, and the amount of water in poop that has been retained (voluntarily or otherwise) is lower. Water is absorbed out of fecal material as it passes through the intestine, so the longer a turd resides inside before emerging, the drier it will be.
Of the remaining portion of the turd, about 1/3 is composed of dead bacteria. These microcorpses come from the intestinal garden of microorganisms that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another 1/3 of the turd mass is made of stuff that we find indigestible, like cellulose, for instance. This indigestible material is called "fiber," and is useful in getting the turd to move along through the intestine, perhaps because it provides traction. The remaining portion of the turd is a mixture of fats such as cholesterol, inorganic salts like phosphates, live bacteria, dead cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine, and protein.

Why does poop stink?

Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur- or nitrogen-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.

Why is poop brown?


The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment that arises from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and bone marrow. The actual metabolic pathway of bilirubin and its byproducts in the body is very complicated, so we will simply say that a lot of it ends up in the intestine, where it is further modified by bacterial action. But the color itself comes from iron. Iron in hemoglobin in red blood cells gives blood its red color, and iron in the waste product bilirubin gives rise to its brown color.

What other colors of poop are possible?

Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Bloody poop can also be a sign of colon cancer, so you should get it checked out by a doctor if you see blood in your stool. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.Poop can also be stained red if you eat beets, according to Ellen. One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

What is the cause of yellow poop?

According to Michael F., one cause of this is Gilbert's Syndrome. "I have a benign condition known as Gilbert's Syndrome. It affects quite a few people, males mostly, in their teens+. It is a deficiency in the liver where red blood cells are broken down. I was informed when this was diagnosed that the broken down blood cells is what gives poop a lot of its color. People with Gilbert's Syndrome don't process as many blood cells - or not as fast - and their poop tends to be pale brown or yellow from the lower quantity of discarded red blood cell matter. This is especially true if there is less matter in your intestines (i.e., on a diet - as I have noticed) to remove the excess blood cells. Very frightening until you determine what is causing it. Gilbert's is a totally benign thing that doesn't harm anyone, although when a person is sick they can turn yellowish as if jaundiced, but it is not jaundice." Another cause of yellow poop is a giardia infection. Giardia are tiny Protozoan parasites that can invade the intestines and result in severe yellow diarrhea. It is a dangerous and contagious affliction that doctors are obligated to report to the Center for Disease Control.

What is the cause of green poop?

I have consulted with a doctor, a physiologist and a microbiologist on this question, and the following summarizes their answers: Healthy people can have green poop if they eat a diet rich in leafy green vegetables, or if they consume large quantities of food coloring (in ice cream, cake frosting etc.). Green poop can also be caused by excess iron in the diet, from dietary supplements, for example. If the body does not absorb all the iron consumed, the iron may stain the poop green, the color of iron (II) salts. Ordinarily, the green color may be masked by the normal brown poop color, but if digestion is thrown off by illness so that bilirubin is less concentrated in the intestine, the green color may become apparent. This can happen when a person is afflicted with diarrhea. Green poop in sick babies may come from iron in baby formula not being properly absorbed, or by green pigments in bile salts (again, green from iron).

Why is bird poop white?

Unlike mammals, birds don't urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird's cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.

Why do dogs eat poop?

Many animals eat poop on a regular basis. These include rabbits, rodents, gorillas, many insects such as dung beetles and flies, and yes, dogs. (Keep that in mind the next time a dog wants to lick you!) Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents eat their own poop because their diet of plants is hard to digest efficiently, and they have to make two passes at it to get everything out of the meal. This is equivalent to a cow chewing its cud, only cows are able to re-eat their food without having to poop it out first. Another reason why animals eat poop is that poop contains vitamins produced by their intestinal bacteria. The animal is unable to absorb the vitamins through the intestinal wall, but can get at them by eating the poop. Another reason that animals such as dogs and flies eat poop is that poop contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because cat poop is high in protein. I had a friend with a dog and a cat, and he never had to clean the kitty litter. The dog took care of it.

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Prettiest Weather Girl Ever



Sharon Summers always tells it like it is.
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Caption Contest #5 Winner: Don't Call Me Shirley

Congratulations go out to Don't Call Me Shirley for winning this week's Competitive Awesome Caption Contest! There will be a new contest every Friday, so be sure to check back regularly for all the great content that will be posted to the site. Now, on to the winning entry...


Don't tell me I need a car to go through the drive-thru.
I'm fu¢king Batman!



To see all the entries for this week's contest be sure to click here.

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

Number 1: Chuck Norris Saves JFK



Chuck knows D&D
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Number 2: Chuck Norris Versus Bruce Lee



Bruce Lee never had a chance.
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Number 3: Chuck Norris' Google


This is how Chuck uses Goggle.
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Number 4: Chuck Norris Fun Facts



Learn them to live.
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Number 5: Chuck Norris Cartoon



Even in cartoon form, Chuck Norris is one bad mother.
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Number 6: Chuck Norris Versus A Kangaroo


Chuck 1, Kangaroo 0
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Number 7: Chuck Norris In French



Even in French, Chuck kicks @ss.
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Number 8: Chuck Norris Emotions... In Russian


Use the chart to avoid getting on Chuck's bad side.
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Number 9: Chuck Norris Kick To The Moon



To the Moon, Alice...
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Number 10: Chuck Norris Versus A Bear



The Bear will loose.
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Top Ten Chuck Norris Moments


Check back every hour for pics and videos of the man himself.
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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Goodbye Big Fart



Aaaaand that's how we will remember you.
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Worst Spelling Bee EVER



Neeeeerds.
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Spider Pig!


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The Llama Song


We don't know why this is funny... but it's kind of like a car accident - it's just hard to look away and oddly hypnotic. This must be what it's like to be a Nascar fan.
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Dear Michael Jackson, It's me, Ronald Reagan


Seriously, read this! This is why the Republicans think Reagan was a god? So much free time while in office he could write letters to his good buddy... Michael Jackson.
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What Is A Cockateau… Really?


Someone told me the other day that a Cockateau is some type of bird. I did not believe them and so, I looked it up. I probably shouldn’t have split the word up into two words, but I did. The pictures that I got back for my web search did not make me feel very good. I now know that the Cockateau is in fact a, very French, very gay male. I do not like Cockateaus.
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Solving A Math Problem


Oh so sad... that his teacher gave him a point for this question.
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Funny Archie Comic Cover


This was acceptable back then. We always knew Archie was gay.
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Worst Possible Idea For a Restaurant



Feet and Food don't mix... ever.
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This Woman Has To Go



Not close enough.
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Friday, April 24, 2009

What We All Need At The End Of The Week


Old "Dicky" has a "Stimulus Package" for ya! Have a Great Weekend!
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Baby Gets Kicked By Breakdancer



As always, I blame the parents.
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Stupid Kid Lifting Weights Screams For Mommy



What about the fish!!??
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Bill Richardson Political Ad



...and somehow still finds time to be brought up on corruption charges.
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A Very Angry Cat



Give her some blasted food -- or money -- or whatever she wants!
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Joke-Girls Night Out

Girls night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

ZING!
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Ultimate Farting Preacher



Now that's the way to get your message across.
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A Talking Cat



Now if only it put sentences together.
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Competitive Awesome Caption Contest #5

It's time for the weekly Competitive Awesome Caption Contest! Please leave your submission in the comments of this post. Once again, congratulations to last week's winner: over40something

If you cannot view the photograph try clicking "More..."



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The Farting Dog



Lassie is rolling over in his grave.
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YouTube Video Blog: Favorite Kids Cereal



Competitive Awesome discusses kids cereal and the winner of last week's caption contest.
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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Baby Scared Of Daddy's Fart



Farts can be scary at times.
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Very Mean But Still Funny



This man is mean, but it still made us laugh. Laugh loudly!
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Church Statue Mishap



Why let old people do anything?
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President Bush Pets A Black Child


It is nice to see that our former President thought that black children were just like cute little pets.
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Old Negro Space Program



It starts slow, but watch it, it is worth it.
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Jesus Is Clearly Here To Tease Us


Have you ever wondered why Jesus could only walk on water? I mean walking really isnt’t that impressive. Jogging, maybe, but running…that’s where the money is. If Jesus could have run on water he really would have turned some heads. Imagine only being able to walk around a race track, not sooooo much of a race. I mean if Jesus was all powerful and all knowing, I think he probably should have learned how to run on water.
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Killer Seagulls


We hate seagulls. Evil-eyed birds of death.
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Ramen Noodle Commercial



Slurpy...
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Love Connection: Best Name Ever



What a great name.
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Competitive Awesome: Mexicans


Competitive Awesome interview the Mexi-"cans" not the Mexi-"cannots."
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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Unnecessary Censorship



This always makes us laugh.
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Asian Boy Band... Yes!



These boys are our favorites.
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Monkeys Riding Dogs



Yes, Yes, Yes!
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The Food Network Or Pen1s Network



This tastes delicious...
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Jeopardy Mishap



That actually was the correct answer. Foolish Trebek!
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Why Little Jews Are So Wiry


Nearly Extinct "New York" Jew of the Woods


I have noticed that the size of a Jew is directly in proportion to his or her level of “wiriness.” Big Jews are not only less of a threat, they are also rather rare. National geographic list large Jews on the endangered species list, just under the scourge of conservative ponds everywhere, the homosexual salamander. Medium sized Jews assimilate nicely into society and are often missed or mistaken for “innocent lawyers.” Small Jews though, they are truly who you need to look out for, especially if you have money in your pocket or have children with money in their pockets. They can smell unspent money from up to two miles away, and if they do corner you, your only hope to escape is to compromise with them and at least allow them to invest it for you.
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Best Product EVER!



Just tell us where to send the credit card info.
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Best Arnold Schwarzenegger Picture EVER


Loincloth and all.
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Asian "How To" Video



Everybody has to learn sometime.
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

CNN Gets Messed Up



Keep looking up...
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Reporter Gets Hit By Sled



Down goes Frasier!
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News Anchor Freaks Out



What the...
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Reporter Mauled By Horse



And they're off...
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The Chicago White C0cks



Take me out the the smut-fest...
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The Cricket


The cricket is one of the most annoying insects that I have ever encountered. Why must it constantly let the world know of its existence. We know that you are there cricket, we get it, you are horny and looking for other female crickets to mate with. My question is why must you be so loud and keep us up at night while on your search for love? In fact now that I put a little more thought into it, the cricket is actually like a douche from New Jersey. Let me explain…at night the cricket is on a constant quest to mate. The cricket is both loud, obnoxious , and annoying, not unlike the “New Jersey Douche.” “The New Jersey Douche” comes out at night, usually in packs, like the cricket, and is habitually loud, obnoxious , annoying and constantly on a quest to mate. The only difference that I can see between the cricket and the “New Jersey Douche” is that one lives outside while the other lives in his mothers basement, in Newark.
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Drunk Lady Slaps Reporter



"Put that on the news..."
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News Anchors Are Idiots



Poor guy couldn't even see who called him gay.
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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for… @ss Cream



Yes, she did say that.
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YouTube Video Blog: Mexican Coca-Cola

H

Be sure to check out our YouTube channel after watching.
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Monday, April 20, 2009

The Sweetest Thing: Pen1s Song



Why? Why did this movie ever get made? It may be old, but we just felt the need to share this again.
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Turkish Store


This store is in Istanbul, Turkey.
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Asian Pop Music Sensation



Thank you, Asians. Thank you.
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Sasquatch Crossing


We believe that is a club in his hand...?
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Number One Basketball Fan



Dance, Monkey. Dance!
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Worst Novel Opening...

The City Of Love

If Gilbert had known then what he knew now, he would have seen that the dilemma facing him–to do a good deed for the wrong reason or to do a bad deed for the right reason–had long ago been shown to be two sides of the same coin by the philosopher known as Theragora of Crete even though he was not from Crete at all, but from Malta, which of course was not called Malta when Theragora was there.

Thanks Innocentenglish.com for the worst beginning paragraph to a novel.
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Google In The Seventies


At least it took only 4-6 weeks for the results.
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Disturbing Strokes



This version could have been so much better.
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Our Wonderful Modern Society


Sad, but kind of true.
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Adolf Hitler Book Review: Everybody Poops



Adolf Hitler reviews Everybody Poops. Enjoy!
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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Caption Contest #4 Winner: over40something

Congratulations go out to over40something for winning this week's Competitive Awesome Caption Contest! There will be a new contest every Friday, so be sure to check back regularly for all the great content that will be posted to the site. Now, on to the winning entry...



Rehearsals get under way for Oliver in Vietnam today.


To see all the entries for this week's contest be sure to click here.

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#1: The Jacksonious Michaelus



Not that unlike The Bishop Fish, The Jacksonious Michaelus is also drawn to little boys.
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#2: The Bishop Fish


The Bishop Fish has been known to swim after alter boys and children... mostly boys. It has a fin located on its back called the "Molestationary Oblongata."
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#3: The Jackalope



Remember these videos... Bob Saget was never Funny.
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#4: Bigfoot



You know what they say about people with big feet...
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#5: Tom Selleck's Mustache


Some say that it only comes out at night, but we know it simply by the name El Mustache de Selleck.
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#6: The Chupacabra


If there is a Chupacabra, we are convinced that it doesn’t look anything like this... but we wish it did.
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#7: The Wild Winehouse



The last known wild sighting of this Creature. Horrifying, we know.
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#8: The Griffin


Even an ugly Griffin could get more chicks then you. Chicks love Griffins.
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#9: The Loch Ness Monster


Oh that fickle fickle Sea Horse. Thwarted again!
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#10: The Minotaur


Minotaurs have come a long way from their crazy days of not knitting.
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Our Top Ten Mythical Creatures


Check back every hour for the ten most popular Mythical Creatures... in our opinion.
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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Redneck Chainsaw



A 'How To Video." Thanks, Rednecks.
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Rednecks Love Nascar


Clearly a tennis fan.
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Redneck Fireworks



Rednecks + Fireworks = Hilarity
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Redneck Wedding


I now pronounce you hick and hick.
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Redneck Motorhome



You might be a Redneck if…
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Redneck Buddies


We always wondered what happened to Mychal's uncle. At least his family now has the closure that they so deserve.
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Family Guy: Rednecks



Evolution?
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Redneck Map


We are absolutely sure that this is how they see America.
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Patriotic Rednecks



This woman actually did say "Aaaaaaraaaaabs."
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It's Redneck Day!


Check back every hour for more videos and pictures of Americas finest.
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Friday, April 17, 2009

Internet Super Effects



These kids are better in the editing bay than most people that we know who work for FOX.
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Worst Fight Ever



Kids should never, ever, ever play with the internets.
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People Flipping Out At The Office



We do not want to work at these offices...
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Meteorologists Are Morons



Just shut up and tell us how hot it's going to be tomorrow.
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A Very Gay Cartoon



We believe they finally made a cartoon about Greg Louganis... only somehow they made it ever gayer.
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The Japanese Ronald McDonald



What was that Asian doing with that hamburger behind his back? Just Odd. That's really all to be said. Bizarre.
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The Russian Jerry Springer



Best drop kick to a bride ever. This show makes Jerry Springer look tame. High-larious.
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Pig Versus Lion



We were all rooting for the Wild Boar.
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Ultimate Fighting: Grown Man Versus Children



This is not a fair fight at all, but it is entertaining.
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Little Thug



Give the kid his change, lady.
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Competitive Awesome Caption Contest #4

It's time for the weekly Competitive Awesome Caption Contest! Please leave your submission in the comments of this post. Once again, congratulations to last week's winner: Anna

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YouTube Video Blog: Caption Contest #4 & Taxes



Competitive Awesome discuss taxes and the new caption contest in today's under-a-minute video blog.
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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Mysterious Cities Of Gold



Today we decided to give you a treat: a nostalgic look back at shows and cartoons of your childhood. We really wish that some of these shows were still on the air today! You are welcome, Internets.
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Mister Rogers' Neighborhood



Today we decided to give you a treat: a nostalgic look back at shows and cartoons of your childhood. We really wish that some of these shows were still on the air today! You are welcome, Internets.
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