This picture gets the number one spot as he not only looks retarded as a child, but probably sounded like one back then as well.
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Sunday, May 31, 2009
#1: Little Ricky Retarded Martin
This picture gets the number one spot as he not only looks retarded as a child, but probably sounded like one back then as well.
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TOP TEN: CELEBRITY CHILDHOOD PHOTOS
Check back every hour to see who the number one most ridiculous looking celebrity childhood photo belongs too!
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Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
25 Ways To Annoy People
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
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1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
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Major General Peter Cosgrove
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
__________________
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Thursday, May 28, 2009
Asian Super Kids
They can control water...as long as it shoots through their ______ first. We wonder if fire works as well?
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I Do Not Like Corn Dogs
I do not like Corn Dogs and I will tell you why. I have very few rules in my life, but the rules I do have, are very simple to follow.
1.) Do not eat things on sticks.
2.) Do not eat things sold at State Fairs
3.) Do not eat things that are considered one of the five Carney (1) food groups.
(1)Carny
carny or carney car′·ney or carnie car′·nie (kär′nē)
noun pl. carnies -·nies/ carnival (sense ) a person who works in such a carnival
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Are You Mensa Smart?
Take this test to find out. It is a quick 30 questions from the Mensa Institute itself. Go ahead, unless of course your stupid.
http://www.mensa.org/workout2.php
I bet your stupid, let us know....
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http://www.mensa.org/workout2.php
I bet your stupid, let us know....
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I Hate the Opossum!
I do not like the spelling of the word Opossum. An Opossum by definition is a small nocturnal tree-dwelling marsupial found in the United States and Central and South America. Why should this small nocturnal tree-dwelling marsupial have an “O” in the front of it’s name that is not pronounced? There is something very wrong and very “French” about that. Come to think about it, I do not like Opossums in general. Why don’t we all just go around and put “O’s” in the front of our names? Why?...Because we have rules and we follow them. So shame on you Opossum and your Opompous ”O.”
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Caption Contest #8 Winner: ginkers
Congratulations go out to ginkers for winning this week's Competitive Awesome Caption Contest! There will be a new contest every week, so be sure to check back regularly for all the great content that will be posted to the site. Now, on to the winning entry...
India's answer to Evel Knievel admits he still has a lot to learn...
To see all the entries for this week's contest be sure to click here.
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To see all the entries for this week's contest be sure to click here.
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Monday, May 25, 2009
Old Man Joke....
There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis sticking out of the sand.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says "There is no justice in this world".
The other lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first lady says, "Look at that". When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild!
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Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says "There is no justice in this world".
The other lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first lady says, "Look at that". When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild!
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BEST NEWSPAPER STORY EVER! THANKS VERMONT!
Vermont Teen Stole Corpse's Head To Make Bong
ST. JOHNSBURY, VT---A Vermont teenager has been sentenced to serve between one and seven years in prison for breaking into a tomb and cutting off the head of a corpse in order to make the skull into a bong for smoking marijuana.
Nickolas Buckalew, 18, of Morrisville, pleaded guilty to intentionally removing or injuring a tombstone and intentionally disinterring and carrying away the remains of a human body, both felonies.
He has been given credit for the 14 months he served while awaiting trial and has been sent to a residential treatment facility for facilities with acknowledged mental health issues.
Buckalew broke into a tomb last April, opened a casket and cut the head from a corpse in addition to stealing eyeglasses and a bow tie from the dead man. He reportedly wrapped the head in plastic bags and removed it to his home. He allegedly told his friends that he had done it because he was bored. The friends then went to the cemetery to check out his story and found that the body in the described casket was indeed headless.
And the wheels of criminal justice began to turn.
Police found the head wrapped in bags along with other materials including part of the damaged casket when they executed a search warrant at Buckalew's home.
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Sunday, May 24, 2009
#1: The Shoe Bug Swatter
This deserves the number one spot more than any other "Stupid Asian Invention." Thanks Asians for the best top ten ever!
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Saturday, May 23, 2009
A TRUE STORY ( A DAY IN LOS ANGELES)
The other day I ran into a man who was selling birds/cats and hot dogs. This is a true story. I thought to myself, I understand the hot dogs…but the birds and cats I didn’t get. The following is our conversation:
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Fresh hot dogs! Or if you like, I have cats…cute little cats and some birds for sale as well.
Me: Hello. I’d like one hot dog please.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Ok…one hot of the dog coming up young man.
Me: Wow, you never see a vendor selling birds and cats these days.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) No. I am very special. One of a kind.
Me: Wow. I guess that’s how you get people to remember you, huh?
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) What?
Me: I was just saying, I bet that’s how people remember where this hot dog stand is…you can’t forget something like that…it’s unique…kind of, one of a…
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Shut Up!
Me: Excuse me?
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) You heard me you little preppy son of the bitch…you with your cars and houses and things like that. You just shut up and pay me for hot dog.
Me: Ok. How much do I owe you.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) 20 dollars.
Me: What? I’m not paying that much for a hot dog.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) But, I will throw in a cat!
Me: I don’t want a cat.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Ok, how about a bird and a cat?
Me: No thank you. Just the hot dog please.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Fine you little preppy son of the bitch. Here is your hot dog.
Me: Thank you.
Birds/Cats/Hot Dog Vendor: (Thick Middle Eastern Accent) Shut up!
The Brid/Cat/Hot Dog vendor then abruptly turned and briskly walked away. I threw away the hot dog.
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Friday, May 22, 2009
ATF Agents Should Be FAT Agents
I think the US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be organized in order of intimidation. That would make it the Bureau of Firearms, Alcohol, and Tobacco. "In Denver today, 15 FAT agents stormed a warehouse owned by notorious Mob boss Richy the Tooth Ahoilii..."
Wouldn't that much more of life be entertaining?
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