Friday, July 31, 2009

Irony


Dunna Nunna, Dunna Nunna, Dunna Nunna, Dunna Nunna... Invalid!
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A Guide For Tattoo Locations


Truth.
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The Truth About College Packets


True.
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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Best Bumper Sticker Ever!


It's The Truth.
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Adobe WanKenobi


Best computer program eeeever.
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Let's Face It...English Is A Stupid Language

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

What Does A 3 Point Slam Dunk Look Like?


This. This is a three point dunk.
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This Is The Honesty More People Need....


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Monday, July 27, 2009

HOW TO GET FREE STUFF


Follow these 20 moms on Twitter: If you haven't joined up for Twitter yet, this could be your enticement. There's a whole entourage of bloggers who have teamed up to provide deal news on a breaking basis. If you follow this group, you'll find out about all the best offers as soon as they are available.
Ask for a freebie: You'll never know until you ask, and that's a lesson that our bloggers have learned over and over. You can get discounts galore these days just by asking, ranging from price-matching to simple hand-outs. Blogger Josh Smith even got free storage boxes, just by asking around.
Get free drugs: The free antibiotic movement is growing, and now many drug stores and supermarket pharmacies are offering generic antibiotics for free. All you have to do is fill your RXs and you'll walk about feeling much better!
Visit a museum: Many big companies sponsor free nights at museums, and the deals range from huge national ones, like Bank of America's first weekend of the month offer on a large selection, to smaller ones in your own town (like Target sponsoring the Brooklyn Museum of Art on the first Friday of the month in my neck of the woods). It's likely that any museum in your area has some free admission hours, so find out and plan ahead.There are also other free concerts and shows, like Jay Leno's upcoming event in Detroit.
Free samples: If you're willing to try something new, you can get free samples by mail from many different manufacturers. You can wait until you see an offer on a deal site, or you can head to a site like walmart.com for a place to try a bunch at once.
Shop wisely: With some store coupons and discounts, you can actually get the price of the item you want down to $0.00. DealSeekingMom explains it like this: For example, Cottonelle Toilet Paper is $0.99 for a 4-pack at Kroger. There are several $1 off and $0.50 off coupons that will make it free after coupons. (The $0.50 coupon doubles at many stores.) Often you can purchase the trial sizes at stores like Walmart and Target for free after a coupon as well.
Barter: True, bartering is not truly free because you have to give something to get something, but there are a lot of sites out there where you can recycle your stuff and trade. At the Free Store, which we visited in our video segment, the artists encouraged people to bring items in order to shop, although it wasn't required. Check out Craigslist and Freecycle for other opportunities.
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Evolution


Truth.
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Best Wedding Invitation Ever!


My Son..."The Doctor."
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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Hand Sign Chart


Study it, Learn it, Use it.
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Innovation


Sad...but True.
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What If Homer Simpson Was Real?


So, So, So Scary!
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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

Popeye Is Looking Old....Very Old!


Shiver Me Timbers....
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What If Peter Was Real?


I think I know this guy!
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What If Charlie Brown Was Real?


Just scary.
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Carnivores Are Awesome!


Support groups...Ha!
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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Why Nintendo Rules!


Ap..Ap!
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Project Pigeon


This is real.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How To Tell Great Stories At A Party.

Instructions


1.
Step 1

Know your audience. If you're surrounded by a group of females, chances are they will not want to hear about your amazing late season comeback in your keeper fantasy football league.

2.
Step 2

Start with a bang. This is called the hook. If you don't grab an audience within the first ten seconds, you will most likely lose them forever.

3.
Step 3

Use only pertinent details in telling your story. Too much information adds unnecessary length. The average person's attention span is under one minute.

4.
Step 4

Avoid tangents and stay focused. If a part of your story entails you tripping over your dog, don't get distracted and start talking about how your dog got sick that morning.

5.
Step 5

Avoid repeating yourself. Chances are that people heard you the first time and a storyteller may fall into this trap especially if a segment of their story gets a big laugh. Nothing is more lethal to a narrative than repetition.

6.
Step 6

Respond to audience reactions. If you see people looking disinterested or in other directions, it's time to pick up the pace.

7.
Step 7

Learn from the past. It's important to recognize what aspects of your story got the most laughs or reactions in previous tellings.

8.
Step 8

Embellish as necessary. Most of your friends have already heard all your stories anyway. There's nothing wrong with a little enhancement.
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How To Tell Jokes Like Ron White.

Instructions


1.
Step 1

Tell funny stories by mixing personal experiences, standard topics or controversial issues. Personal experiences could be something funny that happened while on vacation with a little fictional factor. Standard topics could be talking about alcohol or women, which is something Ron White does frequently. Controversial issues could be political issues with absurd ways to solve them.

2.
Step 2

Be conversational when telling a funny story like Ron White. His comedy is, "very conversational and mixes honest observations about everyday life with razor-sharp wit." Ron White is also known for throwing in expletives where possible and being outrageous. Throw in sexual references where possible to elevate the outrageous level of the comedy, like Ron often does.

3.
Step 3

Pause before delivering the punch line. Ron typically gives a long dramatic pause before delivering the punch lines of his jokes, either to create laughter or to build anticipation of the joke's punch line.

4.
Step 4

Deliver jokes and funny stories with a very raspy voice. Ron White's raspy voice is from smoking too many cigars and drinking too much Johnnie Walker Black Label Whiskey. Be insightful but blunt when delivering material.
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Men Vs Women Tips!

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
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Zing Zing Zing!

A man who was born with no arms wished to seek employment. Fearing nobody would want to hire him with his obvious disability, he thought he'd answer a help wanted sign he saw posted at his church. He rang the bell at the rectory and when the pastor opened the door he was moved with pity. He asked, "What can I do for you, my son?" The man said I've come to answer your help wanted ad. The pastor became concerned and said that ad is for a bell ringer. He stammered that he didn't think he'd be able to handle the job. The man pleaded and said won't you give me a chance so I can show you what I'm capable of? The pastor relented and hired him. The time came when the church bell had to be rung. The man made his way under the bell, took a running start and threw his body against the bell which resulted in a booming "BONNGGGG" as soon as the vibrations subsided, he took another running start and threw his body into the other side of the bell with the expected result of "BONNNGG" . . . and so it went. Now our armless friend was at the job for several months to the delight of the pastor. One day the guy was running late and in his haste he ran up to the belfry and got his running leap at the bell without first getting under the bell. As he ran right off the side of the tower he screamed. Everyone from within the church filed out and just stared. Finally somebody said "poor fellow, does anybody knows who he is?" To which came the answer from someone in the back . . . "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Holy Good Lord!


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Yep, That Is Pretty Much Right On.


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Come On Man, It Is Really THIS Easy.


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What Is Happening To Our Kids....


They are all out fu*kin. Thats what.
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Monday, July 20, 2009

Best Bench Ever


Not Fat People.
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Prostitution is Illegal At This Restaurant


Cross that one off the list.
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Jewish Wolverine


Watch out B1tches!
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Irony


Are your schools safe?
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Sunday, July 19, 2009

#1:Starbugs!


It really doesn't get any better than that!
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#2: Daidads


...
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#3: IVIKE


JUST MISSPELL IT!
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#4:KLG


"Finger-Ricking Good"
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#5: Zalbollae


The Zalbollae Man?
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#6: MFC?


McDonalds and KFC had a child. It's name was MFC.
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#7: PARADI


Thanks Prada.
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#8: THE POP


Otherwise known as the PSP.
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#9: SONIA


Otherwise known as SONY.
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#10: Car Company Or SHoes?


Just terrible.
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TOP TEN WORST KNOCKOFFS


Check Back Every Hour until we get to the number on worst knockoff product!
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Saturday, July 18, 2009

What A Way to Have To Go Through Life.


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Boy Oh Boy Oh Nuts!


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Like I Always Say....


"Asian Proverbs Just Don't Translate Right."
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Friday, July 17, 2009

Have You Seen My Gigantic Metal Suit?


This is it.
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Or...Or...This Could Have Happened


The Lost Theory
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Lobster Knife Fight's Rule!


Yes, they do.
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A Nerd's Wet Dream


Yes...It...Is...
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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Which One Was Adopted


Wrong. The one on the left.
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The Act WAS Beginning To Suffer


True.
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Epic Fetch


Enough Said.
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